Just another day.....Meanings i no longer fully know
Feelings can no longer be grasped
Understanding is but a mere word
But words...
They torture and twist and turn
Draining and wringing
The very last drop of zeal in me
Rest if one must
But rest had not been the deal
Maybe it's the choices i make
Maybe others just don't wish to understand
Maybe i just need play the role
Others want me to play
Maybe i'm just asking too much
Or...
Stop asking questions
With questions comes answers
And i WILL answer
I am nice and i wish to help
BUT the price for that is to listen
Entertain me if you must
But you are to listen!!!!!
More might start to dislike me
Or detest one might use
But i know the word is really 'hate'
Then again...
I had no one really liking me for me to begin with.
I cannot make smart comments
I cannot tell jokes that are sincerely funny
I am not good with words
I am too frank
I am everything that no one likes
I have no one...
No one at all.........
Happiness just seem so vague
So unreal
If with each happiness comes a greater unhappiness
I would rather have none
But maybe i am to suffer from greater
And greater unhappiness all my life
No one knows when i hang my head
Staring into space and wishing to cry
To cry hard enough to make it all go away
But i cannot cry...
Crying will only make me fall into the abyss
I am tired but i cannot rest
I am sad but i cannot cry
I am torn apart but i'm still here
The house is quiet but i find it noisy
The phone is still but i find it irritating
No one knows who i really am
Do you?
Do you understand what i've said?
I guess not.
Sorry for taking up your time.........
-iWrote 2/27/2005 10:43:00 AM
I want to be happy...alwaysIt feels so nice to be happy, to have someone who listens to what you say. But...this does not happen very often to me. Why?? 'Cause i do have problems. Like problems at home, which everyone can give me advice as to how i am to handle such matters next time so that they wouldn't dare do it again. Or maybe i could be as simple as i've got alot of stuff on my hands and i need time to clear everything but the persons involved thinks my stuff are easy to handle. Simply put, i wish everyone that is/was around me will/could have been a lil more understanding. But of course, you can never expect everyone to be so. Then again, i do have a few who are understanding 'tho not always 24/7.. =P Therefore, i can say that i am often happy but not always. Simple things make me happy that's why the often happy mood. You can say that i am trying to achieve being always happy.
WorkI had been finishing slightly earlier than usual the past 2 days. Guess it's because i'm almost clearing off my back log. And i really mean slightly as in 1hr lesser than the usual 2hrs more that i have to stay in to finish my work. This makes me happy too. A tiny bit of happiness is able to make me look forward to tomorrow. =)
A talk with my managerI had a talk with my manager a few days back 'cause i was actually enticipating the thought of quiting. Why?? I had been staying in everyday for an extra of 2hrs without any overtime pay and it is totally not "value for money". Anyway, the talk lasted for almost an hour. It was very torturous. My manager just kept talking on and on even when i said i think i have to go back to my counter to handle the discharges. Sigh..anyway, that's not the point here. He said something that made sense to me. He said that the 1st 10 yrs are for one to strive to head as high as possible then the next 20 is to start a family (since my gf loves kids so much and i am willing to bear one for her, it could be counted as starting a family) then the last 10 is to strive again for extremely high posts. Sounds logical to me. i start work at 21..21-31 i work real hard to go far, start a family for BB, and since i'm half way to the top, i have the financial ability to start one and not worry much. So from 31-51, i am to look after the kids so i can constantly stay back late to accomplish more things and learn more. Then comes the last lap. 51-61. I start working real hard again and clinch the post of maybe a senior management/officer post or CEO?? haahaahaa..some senior post that commands power la..can?? haahaa...so do you think it makes a lil sense??
I WANT TO EAT YU SHENG!!!!Mummy said that she'll get
yu sheng for me this wed which is the last day of CNY. Just in case some of you don't know, CNY lasts for a whole 15days and not just 2 or 3 days. Singapore cannot rest for that long since majority are chinese. But somehow China has 15 days for PH for CNY lehz..how come for them to rest for 15 days they won't die but we will suffer lehz?? Anyway, back to yu sheng. With just 2 people eating yu sheng together not fun lehz. Am thinking of asking some of my friends over. Maybe just those in my cohort. Like that more fun..but wonder if they can make it..sigh..and if they can, should i change my plans for wed?? One step at a time lahz.. ;P
-iWrote 2/21/2005 09:20:00 PM
Shhh.....A summarized version of what i hear whenever i sing along to songs i like. There are only 2 reasons. I can't sing very well, maybe not at all and most of the time i don't know the lyrics to the whole song. And what do i hear from my "audience"? Shh...i want to listen to the song AND/OR stop singing. You're destroying the song. But i do have to thank the former for being so kind with words.
Miscommunication or just no interest in telling me stuffYesterday was fine until some last minute plans were changed due to time constrains. I originally let it be until i thought i heard that someone had not turned up for an appointment made very much earlier with X, who was with me earlier. And X was on the phone with Y, and most probably making plans to meet up for some art exhibit. Such a simple message yet it can get wrong when it gets to me. I guess X was just not interested at that point of time.
Reading between the linesI don't always say things that are on my mind 'cause i don't want to appear to be imposing and/or possessive. Sometimes, one ought to start thinking when i sound really nonchalent when usually i might be asking for something. Don't always stick to the since-you-said-so attitude. I know how to read other people's minds when i stay around them for a long enough period of time. This allows me to do the things they like me to do.
Work....It's been quite fine although i still end later than stated. What makes work not fine is my colleagues who tend to talk amoungst themselves. It is really irritating. They are always talking in their own terms and language. Try as i might to join in, they still don't seem to notice. I give up. Maybe i should just stick to the older colleagues. At least they answer my questions and give me due attention during lunch when i am talking.
-iWrote 2/17/2005 12:01:00 AM
Lousy Lousy Lousy!!
My freaking internet connection is so freaking lousy that it gets disconnected every few seconds!! So what if I have ADSL, Pentium 4, 512KB connection. Yes. All these together gives me very short uploading and downloading time but seriously, if it isn't stable, it's as good as having 56K. Then again, I think it's far worse than having 56K. It's almost as good as not having an internet connection. To infuriate me even further is that I just paid $190 worth of internet bills. How many months of delayed payment, i'm not sure BUT my brother had better credit this amount and another $240 back to me. I don't care how but he had better do it!
This is so frustrating.
Back Log...
I've so much work to do everyday that all my work just seems never ending. Everyday, I'm piling up my files. This is so stressful. And what makes it worse is that I've to be so accurate with my bills that there will never be outstanding amounts. Another added stress. Why can't those f**kers just pay the outstanding. How can someone be so confident at discharge that they will pay the outstanding if any but in the end if there is outstanding, they just give all sorts of excuses and even have the cheek to say that they want to dispute the bill.
All these people should just go kill themselves.
Birthday Pictures
I will try to get the photos up as soon as possible. After the following 2 problems are solved, everyone will get to admire the photos and hear me talk about my party. My almost-very-extremely politically correct birthday party. Gosh. And to think that I am a consenting adult. Haahaahaa...
-iWrote 2/01/2005 06:02:00 PM
